The Secret Ingredient in Life Books
If you haven’t already visited our informational articles page, please do so soon! One article is called “The Secret Ingredient in Life Books”. It is written to the foster or adoptive parent by Donna Barnes. Below are some excerpts from her article.
No one talked about “life books” back in the 70’s. That’s when my husband and I began our adoption journey. Armed only with resolve and love, we walked the whole nine yards through four challenging adoptions without a single life book. Our best attempt was a photo album for one of our daughters. It included the only two photos that we were given when she arrived at the tender age of six months and we added many more as she grew up. By age four, she enjoyed “reading” her photo album . . .
Did our kids survive without life books? Of course!
Would life books have been helpful? Absolutely!
Today, “LIFEBOOK” is the buzzword among professionals and parents alike. And rightly so, because an adoption life book should provide a child with a key ingredient – - the TRUTH (as much as is known) – - about his/her “life story.” It should contain the WHO, WHAT, WHERE AND WHY information that kids need to answer their questions and unscramble their lives. In short, it is . . .
more than a photo album, although photos are vitally important.
more than a “baby book,” although the “baby information is also vital to include if available.
more than a scrapbook of achievements.
more than a book that chronicles all the happy, fun times.
Adopted kids, and those who grow up in foster care, have difficulty building self-esteem without uncovering and processing the truth about their lives . . . And now, we have the secret ingredient, p-r-o-c-e-s-s-i-n-g through a life memory book! In addition to providing statistical information, life books are a means for kids to find out that they were not responsible for the problems in the family. This puts a different slant on everything.
A life book should help kids process their feelings!
To facilitate “processing” the child’s feelings, the child needs to be involved in its creation. After all, there is no therapeutic value to the older child if you do it for him/her. As the adult, part of your task is to discover what the child thinks is the truth about his/her life. If the child has a distorted view of events that shaped his/her life or fantasies that stick in his/her mind as the truth, gently, but honestly, bring truth into the picture. The information that you provide should be age-appropriate and will need to be retold as the child gets older and has more in-depth questions. You will then need to help the child process his/her feelings about their true “life story.” In the end, there is a very positive and accomplished feeling the child gains, two-fold: through writing and drawing their memories they gain an understanding about themselves and their life history, and in doing so the child gets to know you better by talking about their life story with their foster or adoptive family.