Positive Adoption Language – Adoption Lifebook Pamphlet

At www.AdoptionWorld.net you can download a free “POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE” pamphlet, an essential language tool for professionals and clients. In addition to Adoption World Specialties’ wide array of adoption life books, adoption memory books, foster life books, teen life books, and foster-to-adopt literature for parents and children, we offer this language guide free on our website.

Words can build or destroy relationships, self-esteem and opportunity. Those of us connected to adoption and foster care have a special responsibility to use positive language in regards to this circumstance. It’s important to use positive adoption language to correct media’s negative adoption images and terminology, and to sensitize educators and other professionals. Using positive language is a choice… we hope you will join us in promoting the positive language outlined in this pamphlet.

As an example, “adoptive” parent can be seen as negative or offensive language. The positive or preferred language for this example would be “Mother” or “Father”. It isn’t wrong to say that you’re an “adoptive” parent, but extended use by you or others (especially in front of our children), continues to qualify your parental status.

Another example would be “Hard to Place”. This implies that the child is less than desirable, less than normal. The positive or preferred language suggestions include “child with special needs” – NOT “special needs child” and/or “waiting child”.

For sixteen years we have been a trusted resource for adoption life publications dealing with the memory books, adoption life books and foster books process. Our Adoption Life Book and Memory Book products are used nationwide and beyond. Social workers, therapists, adoptive/foster families and their children enjoy our delightful adoption life books. Regardless of where you fit into the scene, we are likely to have something affordable to help make your job a little easier.

Our website has an entire section named “Information Articles”. The “POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE” pamphlet is printed literature for your use. The articles posted on our site are there for you to use as a resource for the many facets of the adoption and foster care processes. Please visit www.AdoptionWorld.net and discover our world.

The Secret Ingredient in Life Books

If you haven’t already visited our informational articles page, please do so soon!  One article is called “The Secret Ingredient in Life Books”.  It is written to the foster or adoptive parent by Donna Barnes.  Below are some excerpts from her article.

No one talked about “life books” back in the 70’s. That’s when my husband and I began our adoption journey. Armed only with resolve and love, we walked the whole nine yards through four challenging adoptions without a single life book. Our best attempt was a photo album for one of our daughters. It included the only two photos that we were given when she arrived at the tender age of six months and we added many more as she grew up. By age four, she enjoyed “reading” her photo album . . .

Did our kids survive without life books? Of course!
Would life books have been helpful? Absolutely!

Today, “LIFEBOOK” is the buzzword among professionals and parents alike. And rightly so, because an adoption life book should provide a child with a key ingredient – - the TRUTH (as much as is known) – - about his/her “life story.” It should contain the WHO, WHAT, WHERE AND WHY information that kids need to answer their questions and unscramble their lives. In short, it is . . .

more than a photo album, although photos are vitally important.
more than a “baby book,” although the “baby information is also vital to include if available.
more than a scrapbook of achievements.
more than a book that chronicles all the happy, fun times.

Adopted kids, and those who grow up in foster care, have difficulty building self-esteem without uncovering and processing the truth about their lives . . . And now, we have the secret ingredient, p-r-o-c-e-s-s-i-n-g through a life memory book! In addition to providing statistical information, life books are a means for kids to find out that they were not responsible for the problems in the family. This puts a different slant on everything.

A life book should help kids process their feelings!

To facilitate “processing” the child’s feelings, the child needs to be involved in its creation. After all, there is no therapeutic value to the older child if you do it for him/her. As the adult, part of your task is to discover what the child thinks is the truth about his/her life. If the child has a distorted view of events that shaped his/her life or fantasies that stick in his/her mind as the truth, gently, but honestly, bring truth into the picture. The information that you provide should be age-appropriate and will need to be retold as the child gets older and has more in-depth questions. You will then need to help the child process his/her feelings about their true “life story.” In the end, there is a very positive and accomplished feeling the child gains, two-fold: through writing and drawing their memories they gain an understanding about themselves and their life history, and in doing so the child gets to know you better by talking about their life story with their foster or adoptive family.

Adoption Life Books

Adoption Life Books serve several purposes. Adoption Lifebooks are therapeutic because they help children cope, understand and heal. They are also a good record keeping devise for important family history.

Adoption Life Books are serious in places but should also have sections that are simply fun for the child. They tell a child’s story. The child should have enjoyment in telling about their likes, dislikes and positive family memories. In so many cases, the child’s past may be difficult, but Adoption Life Books also assist in allowing the child to address these issues while working with a social worker.

Adoption World Specialties is the leader in Adoption Life Books.  Our website showcases all of our adoption books, and each life book is available to order easily, and conveniently, online at www.adoptionworld.net – please visit our site and discover our world!

Excerpt from our Adoption Life Book:

“Hello! My name is Ricky.”

“Together we are going to record your life story in this “Life Book”.

“Why? Because no one else in the world is exactly like you. WHO YOU ARE, WHERE YOU’VE COME FROM, AND HOW YOU GOT HERE are important parts of your story. With the help of your caseworker, foster parents or adoptive parents, we can complete this book… one page at a time… skip a page and come back to it later… or move ahead quickly as you want to. And, you can add extra pages wherever they fit in. As you write your story, some parts will make you feel happy and others may make you feel sad or angry. It will also be fun to learn any new information about yourself. ALL of your feelings are important and should be shared with your adult helper. SO… LET’S GET STARTED. The first chapter will be fun because it is about who you are right now – a VERY SPECIAL PERSON.”

Adoption Life Books – Child Booklet from Adoption World Specialties

The Foster-To-Adopt Child Booklet

The Foster-to-Adopt “Child” booklet explains that adoption is a big word for small people. In addition to Adoption World Specialties’ array of adoption life books and foster life books, this booklet is a valuable tool for use by parents when they’ve decided to adopt. The adoptive child has many questions and this booklet was written to help them understand what adoption is and how it is different from foster care. Our friends, Ja’mar and Michael and Sarah will help to explain how they traveled the path from being foster children to being adopted by their forever families.

Ja’mar says: “When I was a baby, I lived with my mom and dad. They had a lot of fights. I didn’t like the yelling. Then, when I was five, I went to live with somebody else. After my mom and dad got a divorce, I went back home to live with my mom again, but she still had too many problems. Then she went away somewhere with her boyfriend and didn’t come back. My grandma tried to help, but she got sick and I couldn’t stay with her anymore. Now, my foster parents have adopted me. I’m sure glad they have pets.”

Michael and Sarah say: “Our social worker said we won’t ever live with our mom or dad again. That made my sister, Sarah, cry, but I’m bigger and I’ll take care of her. And our new parents know a lot ‘bout stuff and tuck us into bed at night. They have adopted us and so that means we have a new name and we’ll be their kids forever.”

When your foster family adopts a child, many things take place. As the children explain, Ja’mar says: “My foster mom took me to visit the courthouse ahead of time so I wouldn’t feel so scared. But I still worried that the judge would say “no”. Instead, she shook my hand and said, “Ja’mar, your adoptive parents are lucky to have you for their son.” I had my picture taken with her… she was really nice.

Michael and Sarah also shared with us. Michael says: “Adoption means that I get to have a birthday party every year with the same family.” Sarah says: “Getting adopted was fun. I got a balloon and a new Betsy Baby Doll.”

After adoption, what changes? Some things will change and some will not. A list of child wonderments as follows: Your birthday will not change! Other things that probably won’t change include the child’s bedtime, where they sleep, chores, rules, school or church, friends, pets and weekly activities. Things that will change can be laid out as follows: The social worker, lawyer or judge no longer will decide what is best for the child, like when that child should go to the dentist, if they can stay overnight with a friend or go on a school fieldtrip. After adoption, that is the parents’ job because that’s how it’s supposed to work in families.

When the adoption is final, a new birth certificate will be sent to the parents saying that the child is now their SON or their DAUGHTER. Another change that happens for most kids is a name change! Guess what?! Some kids think that a new name is fun! Some kids thing that a new name sounds strange. Some kids worry… this is a key issue the foster parents can discuss with their child prior to adoption.

Last, it is important that the child’s memories are kept sacred. It will be OK to remember and talk about the birth family members the child is separated from. New parents won’t expect the child to forget about places they lived or pets that they cared about before that child came to their care. Ja’mar says, “I have pictures of my mom. I put them in my life book. Then when I miss her, I just open my book and that makes me feel better. But I wish I had a picture of my dad… and…Rusty. He’s the dog I used to have. He always went along with my dad and me when we went fishing.” Michael and Sarah comment, “When Mother’s Day comes, I think about my mom and I wonder what she’s doing. Then I feel sad that I’m not with her. Her name is Jody. She has long hair.”

To the child:

Well, adoption is still a big word, isn’t it? Adoption World Specialties hopes you understand things a little better now. Did you know that many children, who need a permanent family, have to wait… and wait… and wait? They aren’t as lucky as you are to have foster parents who love them and want to adopt them. Of all the things you have learned from this special book, most of all we want you to remember that YOU ARE LOVEABLE… AND LOVED! www.AdoptionWorld.net

Why Adoption Life Books?

Adoption Life Books serve several purposes. Adoption Lifebooks are therapeutic because they help children cope, understand and heal. They are also a good record keeping devise for important family history.

Adoption Life Books are serious in places but should also have sections that are simply fun for the child. They tell a child’s story. The child should have enjoyment in telling about their likes, dislikes and positive family memories. In so many cases, the child’s past may be difficult, but Adoption Life Books also assist in allowing the child to address these issues while working with a social worker.

Adoption World Specialties is the leader in Adoption Life Books.  Our website showcases all of our adoption books, and each life book is available to order easily, and conveniently, online.

Lifebooks or Life Books? Which is the proper way to write “Life Books”? Is it”Life Book” or “Lifebook”? I was curious and began looking into this matter. Overall, I find both ways used consistently. Perhaps “Life Book” was the original way to write it. But over time, “Lifebook” became a term for therapeutic workbooks that help a child make sense out of a chaotic past. They are not simply a book about a child’s life. I almost think using it as one word defines the importance of these publications.

PS For the record, spell check prefers Life Books! : )

Bibliotherapy.  Adoption World Specialties specializes in Adoption Life Books.

Bibliotherapy is the use of books to help people solve problems. Literature can help a child increase their self understanding and become better at expressing their feelings. When a child reads about a story character that they are able to identify with, they are better able to examine their own thoughts as well.

Life Books should be a part of the bibliotherapy tool chest. They help foster and adoptive children connect to their current situation as well as their beginnings. They create a living history for children dealing with a chaotic past. They help answer questions about birth families, helping them make sense of loss, trauma and change. The base Life Book actually assists the child in writing their own story. A Life Book is not a scrapbook of memories. It is a specific therapeutic tool. Examples or stories given along the way can open up a child, giving them an opportunity to process their own information which can involve issues such as anger and abandonment.

Have you seen the new cover for The One and Only Me?

Susan did a fantastic job bringing these books to life with color! She stayed with the familiar theme of the book using Ricky the Raccoon. The new cover is so creative using a “ME” riding on a swing hanging from a tree. The simple leaves create a great canopy over the swing. The slight glow of a sunset or sunrise is in the background. Besides bringing a lot of creativity to the book, it now offers some real flexibility. On the previous cover there was a box marked out for a child’s 5 x 7 photo. If a child doesn’t have a photo or even one the right size, the book can look like it is missing something. This new design looks great even if the photo isn’t there.

When my son was about 4 he was amazed at the fact that one of his friends Moms could grow a baby in her tummy! He was even more amazed when he found out she “grew” two at once. I loved that conversation with him. He thought MaryAnn was superhuman or something! Ironically, one of those twins ended up being his assigned buddy in elementary school. He was to show the new Kindergartner around the school. He always acted somewhat protective of the little guy.

He didn’t explain it or express it but I believe at that time he thought people got babies by adopting them. He hadn’t really thought about where they got started before that.

When my husband and I first looked into adoption, we knew so little. We both actually thought for a short while that adoptive kids were not told they were adopted! We learned of course that you tell an adoptive child their story just like a child born biologically to them. A family would tell a child the story of coming home from the hospital or a story of Mom and Dad racing to the hospital before they were born.

We were telling our daughter her story long before she could understand what we meant. We would tell her about the snow storm that was going on the morning we were to bring her home. We were so nervous waiting for the phone call that we should come over to the agency. When we finally met her, she had such an expressive face. We always tease her about the “you two don’t know what you are doing, do you?” look she gave us. She was so right!

As she was growing up, she thought adoption was a very common thing. When she was about 3 years old, she would ask friends and relatives that were expecting, “Are you planning on keeping or placing the baby?” She always seemed surprised when she found out friends that were not adopted. Not sad, just puzzled.